Sunday, September 18, 2011
The Throne Room
I don't really know where the expression"throne" room came from because I've never talked to a single woman who has ever been royalty in her own bathroom. We're more like the serveant to every living thing that resides in our house. So, much like most of you, on any given bathroom trip, I have at least 3 creatures crammed in there with me (not to mention the bean in my belly that is the reason for the frequent bathroom trips) and that's no easy feat since our bathroom is literally the size of a janitor's closet.
I have my black retriever, Ebony, crushed in tight between the toilet and the shower. She doesn't realize she's 65 pounds and that the space is only big enough for the toilet brush (which is where she likes to rest her head) so she's pressed in againt my left hip. Then I have Simba, my golden lab, who truly believes that a person's lap is HIS domain. If you have one, he will put his head on it. I was born a girl so you can imagine there is a lap every time I use the throne and yes, his head is.....right....there. Then there is Ava bear who insists on playing with the water in the sink, which means climbing up her sister's steps, "dancing" on them while pouring water all over the floor.
So, at any given moment, I have my left hand on Simba, getting him away from....well, the reason I'm in the bathroom. My right hand on Ava's back so she doesn't fall off the now-slipery steps. I'm getting pushed off the pot from Ebony and I'm listening to K-bear yell at me for forgetting to brush her teeth, get her milk, give her a snack, play with her, etc.
Now for those wise-asses who are asking why I don't just close the bathroom door? Well, then I would have Ebony standing....literally standing on the other side of the door. Simba crying, lying down directly on the opposite side of the door to which Ava-bear would come over and join in on his crying and will see his lying there as a perfect opportunity to take out her frustration...on him. If she ignores Simba, she will then just chose to go over to her sister and torment her so much that there will be a strong echo of screams and "AVA, NO!" bouncing down my entire neighborhood.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I totally understand why everyone puts such an emphasis on the benefits of "the man cave" but I'd like to bring forth a movement to create a space just for the woman. The kitchen is grand central station; the living room has no doors that you can lock; the minute a girl even steps into the bedroom, she either has someone slamming on the door that they need something or a husband who thinks her presence in a room with a bed is an invitation for...making more living creatures and the attic may be quiet but then the woman is too bothered by "what the heck was that noise" to really relax.
So, to all of the home builders and architechts out there, you want to know how to get out of this economic slump? Screw the mancave, give us a damn throne room!